What REALLY happened when Kim Davis visited the Pope

Be warned, there may or may not be potentially offensive religious content in the following post. You have been warned!

Here's what my secret camera system showed during the Pope's alleged meeting with Kim Davis:

The scheduler sees she's recently become a widely known religious figurehead for those feeling religiously persecuted, so he vets her and invites her for a visit.

Kim Davis would love to visit the religious leader of christianity, so of course she accepts!

She's, her husband, and her lawyer (though I admit, I have no idea why he is here?) secretly fly to DC, with no witnesses spotting them, and rent a discrete place to stay.

The scheduler sends an inconspicuous gunmetal black popemobile with opaque windows to pick her, her husband, and her lawyer up (wait… is the lawyer really invited?).

They are driven to the Vatican Embassy, are quickly spirited inside, and are allowed to explore the embassy until it is their meeting time.

A bodyguard finds them and summons them inside for their 15 minute meeting.

They are brought into the chamber an announced "This is Kim Davis, the county clerk in Kentucky who refused perform her duty of issuing secular marriage licenses to same sex couples and was jailed for it. Also her husband. And… whispers: who the hell is this guy? Bodyguard whispers: lawyer whispers: oh, ok a random lawyer."

It his then announced "This is the Vicar of Christ, Supreme Pontiff Francis"

The Pope sends all the photographers away.

They reverently approach the Pope and Kim Davis slowly puts our her hand.

The Pope reaches out, grabs her hand, and pulls her into a big warm hug.

Kim Davis has to restrain herself from taking a Pope selfie.

They break their embrace and says "Thank you for your courage."

Kim Davis starts crying. "I'm nobody. I'm so humble."

The Pope says "Stay strong my child. We all are persecuted for our faith. And now, I have one more thing to say to you before you leave." Pope Frank snaps his fingers. The Kim Davis' husband and all the guards leave. Kim's lawyer looks on in wonder.

The Pope pushes a hidden button on his Pope chair. An angelic choir starts playing from the most holy speaker set you've ever heard. The lights go dim. A disco ball shooting sunbeams and the light of the Holy Spirit drops from the ceiling. As Pope Frank sits there, sunglasses so dank they must have been forged by God himself during the big bang fall from the sky and land perfectly on his face.

"Now listen, I'm about to lay some infallible truths on you!"

"I am personally meeting you to express my whole hearted support! And since I'm the voice of God, you know he's supportive too!"

Kim Davis swoons, "It's so nice to know you're totally behind me in everything I've been doing Mr Holiness Sir!"

The Pope jumps up and says "But that's not all! There's something more!" Pope Frank then takes a striking pose while pointing towards a stained glass window depicting Jesus Christ riding a velociraptor standing on a meteor, whilst Jesus wields a St. Michael's Flaming Vorpal Sword +א (that's an aleph) into battle against the dinosaurs.

The lawyer briefly wonders how he didn't notice that window when he first walked in, but his thought is interrupted when suddenly there's a flash of light behind the window! Something smashes through! The lawyer exclaims "Jesus Christ!".

The figure is on a velociraptor stylized heavenly Harvey Davidson with a "WWJD" emblazoned on the side. He takes off the sickest "Jesus Loves You" helmet you have ever seen, and speaks in a voice so smooth it would put even the voice of a Vegetto-style-fusioned Barry White and Morgan Freeman to shame! He says to the stunned lawyer "Yes? You called?"

The lawyer opens his mouth and a black demon shaped cloud rises out and then vanishes in a bust of flames while screaming. The lawyer professes never to practice law again and falls to the floor, as having a law demon exorcised drains all your energy even if you're successful.

JC says "Who the heaven is that guy? And was he even REALLY invited?!"

JC then removes the twin pair to the Pope's dankest of dank sunglasses (they both are the dankest). And turns. "My budday! Frankie P! So what brings me here, my bff4eternity?"

Frankie P. laughs, "lol, what a kidder! You and your omniscience know exactly what I called for!"

JC gives him the double-gun point, "Right you are, ace!"

JC turns to Kim, who is dazzled. "You and Frankie P must be tight, he wants you to have this."

JC then miracles up two godlike rosery beads and hands them to Kim. "One for you, and one for whoever that guy is!"

"Kimmy D, I want you to know that I too am 100% everything you have been doing! And one more thing! Stay xx420yoloswiggityswaggity saintly…" JC miracles a fedora atop his head. He miracles it to tip "… m'lady."

Kimmy D's mouth drops agape. She has no words.

JC then cool-walks backwards, shoots his hands to his sides "Son of God OUT!"

Frankie P says "Before I let everyone back in, we must never talk of this to anyone else. EVER. Especially not any of that miracle stuff!"

Kimmy D whispers "k", fingers crossed behind her back, of course.

Frankie P say "Right, andI swear on the Holy Bible the Vatican will never speak of this event again. Great."

Frankie P snaps his fingers. All the decorations disappear. The lawyer slowly stands up. The Bodyguard brings in Kim Davis' husband.

Pope Frank claps his hands and Kim, her husband and the lawyer are all miracled home.

And THAT is exactly what happened during the visit. But unfortunately that promise also means the Vatican can't corroborate my story, so I guess we'll never really know. I guess you're have to just trust me and the legal team I have posting all my reddit comments for me.