There’s a young farmer who really likes tractors… (Shaggy dog story)

by admin on August 7, 2014

One day when ploughing the fields he sees a notice pinned to a tree just outside his land. It read: The infamous travelling tractortent has arrived in town! Hundreds of tractors all inside one massive tent! Raffle for a chance to drive a shiny top-of-the-range tractor! He didn't have anything planned and he liked the sound of driving a top-of-the range tractor. He arrived at the tent and saw two stands by the entrance – he could buy either a pie or a raffle ticket for £1. Pie, or ticket… pie, or ticket? He buys a ticket and goes inside the tent, he looks at his ticket and remembers that his number is 302. The tent was arranged with hundreds of rows of seats, all arranged in concentric rings around a circle of open space in the centre where hundreds of tractors were laid out and in the centre of the tent, raised on a podium and gleaming even in the shade of the tent. He looked around at the different tractors for a few minutes until several large loudspeakers announced that the raffle would commence and asked everyone to take a seat. A random member of the audience was picked to come up and pick the winning raffle ticket. There was deathly silence as they rummaged to the very bottom of the basket, then held aloft a ticket. The announcer took the ticket and read the number… 302! The farmer couldn't believe his luck – tears were streaming from his eyes and there was a ridiculous grin on his face as he stood and was helped into the tractor and given the keys. He floored the accelerator and swung the steering wheel to the right – straight into one of the tent supports. Suddenly the whole tent started to collapse and screaming families hurried out of the collapsing tent… The farmer was banned from ever returning to the festival. 20 years later, while ploughing his fields the now old farmer, who had long ago lost the appeal of tractors, was ploughing his fields when he saw a notice pinned to a tree. It was the travelling tractortent, which had made a complete lap of the world! He thought he might have a look, he told himself that if they remembered him he would just leave. He arrived at the tent and saw two stands by the entrance – he could buy either a pie or a raffle ticket for £1. Pie, or ticket… pie, or ticket? He buys a pie and goes inside the tent. He sat down in the stands eating his pie until several large loudspeakers announced that the raffle would soon commence commence and asked everyone to take a seat. A member of the audience was picked out, and the number 203 was picked. A young farmer stood and was helped into the tractor and given the keys. He floored the accelerator pedal and swerved sharply to the left, crashing into the tractor display. All of the tractors started to smoke, quickly filling the tent with noxious fumes. The old farmer ran to help the young farmer out of the tractor and walked him outside. The old farmer then stuck his head into the entrance flap, took a huge breath and sucking in smoke. He then turned his head away from the tent and blew the fumes into the outside air. He repeated this twice more, and the tent was clear of smoke. A safety team went in and found the tent to be completely safe. The remaining members of the crowd were ushered back into the tent and the old farmer was taken up to the podium and asked both who he was and how he was able to clear the smoke out of the tent so easily. He simply stated: "I am an ex-tractor fan".

submitted by Sir_Cuttle
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