[NSFW] David and Goliath

by admin on December 18, 2014

Everyone knows about David and Goliath, but do you know what happened in the following months?

The people were shouting “Saul has killed his thousands and David has killed his ten thousands”; this really pissed King Saul off big time. How do you get rid of a Hero?

And so King Saul hatches this fine scheme to get David killed by the enemy–a dead hero, and Saul is not to blame.

The king tells David, “I’ll give you my daughter’s hand in exchange for 100 Philistine foreskins”. David jumps at the chance, no problem and brings back 200 of the nasty things.

Now remember, the Philistines were large people, so that was a big load of flesh so David used a wheelbarrow and brought the whole lot and dumped them into the kings court, and then said “where is my new wife?”

Well he gets his wife but that seems to be where this story ends until some research dug up the rest of the tale. Here sits King Saul, spitting mad, staring at a big pile of dirty foreskins only 10 cubits away from his stately throne, so he shouts “will someone get these abominations out of my sight!” One of his counselors approaches and gently speaks, “your highness, I know of a craftsmen in Jerusalem who can create great garments from tiny skins. He made a robe of rodent hides that has made my own surly wife much easier to live with.”

“Let it be done,” the king commands, “Just get them out of my sight now”! About two weeks later this craftsman is standing in the king’s outer court with news of success. When he was led into the king’s presence, Saul asks “what creation do you have to offer me from that mess which was delivered unto you”? The craftsman hands him a simple wallet. “200 foreskins of my enemies yield only this slender wallet”?

The craftsman replies: “If you rub it a while, it turns into a full set of luggage.”

submitted by Doctorh2e
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